Create Midlife Magic: Assess and Optimize These Six Areas

Midlife can bring a time of reckoning–that you are aging, that your parents are aging, that your kids are aging and moving out, that your marriage has timed out and is no longer working in its current state.

All this reckoning sounds pretty rough–and it can be–but it can also be a really powerful time to reset and create a strong second half. 

In this article, I’ll give you some ideas on how to get creative and ‘light-producing’ in what can feel like a dark time. 

But First, Lemme Get Personal…

Before I go and give you a bunch of advice, let me get personal for a sec to demonstrate that I’ve really been there.

About 5 years ago I moved from Oregon to Arizona to escape a climate that is good at producing toxic mold. My then-husband and I were very sick and had spent literally thousands of dollars on repairing our home and health. But I’m not even counting that in this story…

We moved to Arizona on the heels of some marital issues that were supposedly over. But within a year of moving here, still in a new home and environment, my husband announced he was moving out.

I’ll spare you all the long-winded details of the divorce but suffice it to say I was devastated. I couldn’t sleep without strong medication and I lost so much weight that a follower on Instagram asked if I was ok. I think I hit 82 pounds at one point.

I was still a mom of a 9-year-old with two dogs and a business, but my functioning was on survival only. I feel like my main memory of year one was me in a bathtub finding inspirational memes on Instagram.

As traumatic and anxiety-inducing as toxic mold was for me, my divorce was honestly worse. I felt like the floor had dropped away and I was now hanging upside down from a tree and blowing in the wind.

I questioned my worth, my beauty, my direction…basically everything, which is exhausting. But the fantastic part about a deep shock is that questioning everything allows you to remake everything.

Not to say that divorce is the only mid-life crisis, but it’s been my biggest one. I have definitely seen friends really struggle with an empty nest, extreme COVID lockdown or a dying parent. It’s a hard time, but it all can be surmounted.

Celebrate the Good, Plan Out the Not-So-Good

Even if everything seems in the dumps right now, I promise there are at least some things going well. Maybe you:

• Have a good amount of money in the bank

• Have a fabulous partner

• Just found a great new gym

• Have a new friend who power walks and girl talks with you

For me I had:

• A growing business I loved and a really supportive team of women who were patient with me

• A new puppy that made me smile

• An amazing climate that let me be outdoors

• Access to coaches who helped me reframe things (and enough self-love to hire them)

• A growing network of girlfriends

Lean into anything that makes you feel good…as long as it’s healthy and legal!

Evaluate These Areas:

• Mindset: How do you talk to yourself about what’s going on?

• Health: How are you caring for yourself re: habits and how do you feel?

• Relationships: Do you have an exchange of support and love with family, friends, partner?

• Career/Finances: Aare you satisfied in the ways you genuinely need to be nourished?

• Pleasure: Are you having fun and doing little or big things you enjoy?

• Rest: Are you giving yourself enough time to just drink tea, read books, etc?

Mindset

My biggest, biggest need in the list above was a mindset shift. Yes, I had a lot of crazy stuff happen to me in a span of a few years, but my outlook was all wrong about it.

Crappy stuff happens to everyone. But I had too much attachment vs. self-love regarding my marriage, too much fear of the unknown, too much desire for control vs. accepting hard feelings and situations.

It has taken me years to finally get to a place where I am less reactive, more trusting of the unknown, and better boundaried. Meanwhile I have developed near impeccable self-love and inner dialogue.

There are so, so many things that helped me get there: meditation; talking to friends; not talking to anyone and learning to process on my own; retreating to bed, books, coaches, nature, travel; healing my brain from mold; time; on and on.

So there’s no one thing I can recommend but to say: if the way you are perceiving your reality makes you feel worse, do and learn new things to change that.

Health 

This one was probably the strongest for me, but I still got some lessons.

Luckily I love to exercise and I had a bunch of detox routines I enjoy. I know how to cook and eat well. BUT I did rely more heavily on medications in this time and also skipped meals.

I learned the lesson (still learning) that living alone is not an excuse to not cook and eat well for yourself.

Taking good care of your health in times of transition is probably the best way to stay grounded and cope with stress. 

So don’t throw it out the window! Care for yourself like your own precious baby: with routines, sleep, good food and time to move, explore and socialize. 

Relationships

One mistake I made when I got married is that I shrunk my network. This was also due to being a new mom and business owner, and my husband wasn’t super social. But these are all excuses.

Looking back, and also looking ahead, I realize that relationships beyond your partner are really important to maintain.

Your partner relationship is important and an important choice, but that’s another blog! Your partner cannot give you everything. It’s not even a fair ask. 

I was so busy adjusting to motherhood and overworking and worrying about my clinic that I did not at all invest enough in friend relationships…I honestly couldn’t even figure out how to find the time or energy. It did get better as my son got older, but it was still spotty as most of my good friends lived far away.

I feel extremely blessed that I seemed to almost magically develop a new, local girlfriend network in the midst of my divorce: women who reminded me of my worth, kayaked with me, cooked for me, laughed with me and listened to me cry and panic.

Honestly I now feel that as long as I continue to have good girl friends and a good mindset, I will always be ok.

I also opened up to family in more vulnerable ways through my divorce, and developed deeper bonds and respect for family.

Career/Finances

You may be super happy where your career is at, but even if you make a good income or appear to have a ‘dream job,’ it’s important to evaluate your true happiness at work. 

• Would you really like to be making more money?

• Are most of your tasks likable, or not?

• Would you like more collaborative time with other people?

• Are you totally bored and ready for a new career?

• Is there a side project you’d like to be your main project?

• Is there a passion you’d like to make your career?

• Are you ready to retire, or not?

Personally I had to take a hard look at a few of these questions recently. While I love some things about my online business, I’m too often alone which makes me feel lonely. It’s also financially volatile.

So this year I’m digging deeper into the parts I do love and adding some major changes to feed more of me in other ways. What would you like to change? Write out some ideas and pros and cons. It’s better to work towards change than stay frustrated!

Pleasure

There may be some passions you’d like to keep as hobbies, and not turn them into a career! It’s great to practice your hobbies, whether they give you some much-needed adrenaline or some inner peace.

I get a lot of nature from being around friends and being sporty outdoors. Even better if it’s all happening at once!

Pleasure somehow can get perceived as a dirty word, but why? We all need to experience pleasure in whatever ways we enjoy. If your life is feeling like a dull routine, it’s time to infuse more pleasure!

Do you like flower arranging? Gardening? Getting away for a weekend? Romance novels? Romance IRL?

Make pleasure a priority and watch how much more you enjoy life!

I’ll give one caveat here: Check that your pleasure isn’t actually destructive. In this culture, we tend to celebrate alcohol, cheat foods, shopping, Netflix binging, and social media.

While a small dose of these things may be ok, using these things to numb out from your feelings or avoid real life interaction is not healthy. Neither is maxing out your credit card or sabotaging your health.

Choose healthy pleasure that’s good for you and everyone involved!

Rest

A big victory for me as I went through my divorce was how much time I gave myself to rest and be with myself. 

I miraculously found that I could work literally about half as much as I used to and just focus on the most important things, and have the rest of the day to take walks, call friends and of course spend two hours finding inspiring memes on Instagram. 

Those couple of years actually were big growth years for my business! And it was COVID so I had to adapt to all that. Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to be emotionally perfect to grow a business.

I still rest a lot, like a really lot. I wake up slowly everyday, don’t use an alarm clock, sauna often, do coffee enemas, sunbathe…and I still get a lot done.

I suppose the difference is that I learned to not be a workaholic and that I don’t have to go a lot of places or do a lot of things. I can just do as much as I feel like and everything actually works out better.

Summary

Did you evaluate the above? Did anything strike a nerve, like, ‘Oh I really need to do that”…?

What are a few actions you can take?

If you are interested in improving your mindset, please see all the great interviews, including mine, on the Mindset Matters Summit with Dr. Ryan Wolfert.

Mindset matters summit

During the Mindset Matters Summit, you’ll learn practical systems to IDENTIFY & BREAK-FREE from your unconscious-driven limitations, and achieve SUSTAINABLE SUCCESS in your:

✰ Health & Fitness

✰ Love & Relationships

✰ Career, Business, & Finances

✰ Spirituality

✰ Happiness & Fulfillment

Your host, Dr. Ryan Wohlfert, is a Certified Mindset Specialist through the Eliminate Your Limits System which has been called the most scientifically-valid mindset process in the world. 

Plus, he has 23+ years of clinical experience, helping thousands of people make healthy, pain-free living possible, both online and in his multiple wellness, corrective chiropractic, and nutrition clinics. 

Now, he’s assembled 20 of the most respected and knowledgeable mindset experts to help you break-free from your limitations and fears, and regain your healthy, positive, growth mindset.

Head here to reserve your spot now

This event takes place online from January 27 - 29, 2023 (at no cost to you).

Learn simple solutions to identify & break-free from the fears, limitations, & doubts holding you back…and create sustainable health, wealth, relationships and happiness.

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Bridgit Danner, LAc, FDNP, is an acupuncturist turned functional health coach and has worked with thousands of clients since 2004.

She is the founder of FunctionalDetoxProducts.com and the author of The Ultimate Guide to Toxic Mold Recovery: Take Back Your Home Health & Life, available in audiobook, Kindle and paperback on Amazon.